Star visualises the sun. She concentrates on its golden rays and lets it grow inside her. Her body tingles and warms. The sun shines brightly inside her mind. She focuses the rays towards the toad and opens all of the doorways within her psyche. Sunlight floods through. Every part of her is ablaze with its heat. The toad shrinks and she feels strengthened by its distress. Her body sweats and her mouth feels dry and parched as she burns brighter and brighter.
In the distance she hears yelling. She dismisses it from her thoughts and concentrates only on light and warmth. The toad shakes. Its skin starts to pop and fizz. The pale brown and yellow flesh blackens and its eyes plead with her, but she shows it no mercy. One of its eyes explodes and yellow puss runs down its cheek. She recoils from the sight, but keeps burning. Her mind is full of light. There is nowhere for the toad to escape. It stamps its feet, leaps into the brightness and vanishes.
Star feels free for a blissful moment until she becomes aware of the sounds around her.
‘What are you doing?’ Lilith screams.
Star doesn’t answer. She isn’t even certain that Lilith is talking to her.
‘Stop it! Stop it!’ Lilith’s voice is high and loud. It makes Star’s ears ring.
Star imagines Lilith stamping her feet like a toddler having a tantrum. In spite of the exhaustion she feels she smiles.
‘I forbid you … you can’t …’
Star wants to tell Lilith that she can do anything she wants. She longs to tell her that she understands the rules, but forming the words would take more effort than she can muster. Instead she falls into a perfect sleep.
When Star wakes she realises she has been moved. The ground no longer presses against her bruised and bleeding body. She is surrounded by a cushion of air. She cannot move her limbs. Her arms are held behind her back, joined at the wrists. Her legs are crossed and the outer bones of her ankles are fused together. She is suspended in the air by Lilith’s magic. The awkward angles of her body make her shoulders and hips ache. Her mind, however, is free. Star feels no fear. The toad is gone.
She opens all the doors in her mind and lets her thoughts wander through its chambers, ignoring her physical discomfort. She reaches the spot where the toad crouched cowering before it leapt and finally vanished. The area is charred. The heat from the toad has left its mark, but Star feels confident she can repair it. She looks closer and imagines cleansing rain washing the ash and burnt flesh away. Something glints at the centre. It is a tiny bone: a toad bone. Holding the artefact in her mind Star feels its power. It hums with a magic of its own. For the moment she has no idea what it can do and yet she feels certain whatever it does will be magnificent.
‘You’re awake again, my love.’ Lilith’s mocking voice rises up from the ground.
Star nods.
‘That was some trick.’
‘Thank you.’ Star’s voice is strong.
‘What did you hope to achieve?’
‘I achieved what I needed to,’ Star replies.
Lilith is silent for a moment as if struggling to understand the significance of Star’s words. ‘You’re still here.’
‘Of course I am,’ Star answers.
‘Then what did you gain?’
Star finds Lilith’s confusion almost endearing. ‘You wouldn’t understand.’
‘Try me.’ There is no trace of malice or mocking in Lilith’s words.
Star does not trust the gentle probing. ‘If you really want to understand me why are you holding me prisoner? Untie me.’
‘No,’ Lilith says.
‘Why?’
‘I want to understand you first,’ Lilith says.
‘You want to know whether I can hurt you,’ Star says.
‘Of course not. What could you do? I’m a god. You’re an insignificant insect.’
‘Yes, of course I am. Do you always treat insects with such care?’ Star smiles.
‘Do not test me with your insolence. Tell me what you achieved.’
‘Untie me.’
‘Never,’ Lilith promises.
‘Then we’re at an impasse, my darling. My lips are sealed.’ Star basks in the warmth of her new found courage.
‘They could be, if I willed it.’ Lilith hisses her threat.
Star isn’t afraid. What use is fear here? What more can Lilith do? Eyes sealed, my arms and legs bound and my body suspended in air. She remains strong and defiant. ‘Do it then. If that is what you will. I care not.’
Psychonaut is book 2 of the Starblood series and due out March 12, 2019.
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