On the 1st January 2018 I wrote about my goals for this year. Today I will check back and see how successful I was with those and set new goals for 2019.
2018 goals -
Goal 1 - Heal myself.
I get angry. I have no doubt that this anger is born of frustration. Too often, I feel the things that I want to change are huge and abstract. I want the world to be safe for women. I frequently feel unsafe and lock myself away. Far from harm, and far from everything else. It's been a long time coming, but in 2018 I want to work through my trauma and heal the wounds of my past. I want to forgive myself and others who have hurt me, and finally move on.
How well did I do?
I have done a lot of work throughout 2018 towards simplifying my life and I feel much more in control of my emotions and I have a clearer idea of why I behave and think in certain ways. I feel calmer and happier now than twelve months ago.
Goal 2 - Spend more quality time with my daughters.
It will be hard with my eldest as she has moved far away. So I plan to send her messages and thoughts and visit whenever I can. My younger daughter still lives with me, so the challenge is quite different. We are too alike and frequently get frustrated with one another. To avoid arguments we retreat to separate rooms and keep our distance. That needs to change and I should be the one to find a way to bridge the gap.
How well did I do?
I have helped my elder daughter remotely and kept in close contact with her. She's happy and doing well with acceptances to universities that I had some part in helping make happen. I've visited her and spent time talking and understanding and I feel, from my perspective at least, that we've remained emotionally close in a healthy way in spite of the geographical distance.
My younger daughter and I set time aside to chill out together and again we understand each other better now than twelve months ago. While we still argue, we have empathy for each other and understand each other's triggers better. I feel we are building a more supportive relationship that will benefit her as she heads swiftly into adulthood.
Goal 3 - Look after my physical health.
While I have a relatively healthy diet, I am lazy and do little exercise. I know I'll feel better after a run or a workout, but the thought of it repels me. I would much rather curl up with a book or write. However, I am getting older, my waistline has expanded and I am constantly lethargic. My third goal is to get fit in the hope that my energy levels will increase accordingly.
How well did I do?
I'm still lazy, but I make sure I walk regularly and with more peace in my emotional state I have more energy to do physical things. It's a work in progress but I have made some progress.
2019 goals -
Goal 1 - Take my writing to the next stage.
I would like to finish a novel that I feel confident enough to find an agent to represent. At the moment my hopes and dreams are pinned on The Secret Lives of Melissa Powell. Once I have finished Ribbons I will work on that novel and short stories for submission to magazines and literary journals. I want to find effective ways to promote my current catalogue as well. I am proud of the stories I have written and I want more people to read them.
Goal 2 - Be more sociable.
I'd like to build on my healthier emotional state and bring more people into my life and socialise with them more regularly. I have always been a hermit, but part of the reason has been a lack of self confidence. I'd like to use my better understanding of myself and my limitations to learn how to be at least slightly more outgoing and confident.
Goal 3 - Look after my physical health.
I'm not getting younger and I need to ensure I stay as healthy as possible. Maintaining and improving my physical health is a goal I want to carry on into 2019.